Know Your Stars! Gakuen Alice Style!
by Konnichiwa Minna
Summary: Parody. Crack humor. Know Your Stars! Get to know your favourite Gakuen Alice characters! Told by an awesome, sarcastic, yet strange sounding, announcer. Victim III: Sumire! R&R!
1. Victim I: Mikan Sakura

**Author's Notes: **Know Your Stars. Inspiration for this idea goes to mewmewice. It's just some sort of humor thing, to bug the Gakuen Alice characters.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gakuen Alice or Know Your Stars. I don't even own this idea.

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**Know Your Stars! Gakuen Alice Style!**

**Victim I: Mikan Sakura**

**By Konnichiwa Minna**

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_Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars... Mikan, she loves kissing the Sakura tree._

"Yeah! Wait, huh, what? No I don't!" Mikan protested.

_She loves ugly old hags._

"What!? Who is saying that?" she questioned, looking about.

_Mikan wears polka-dotted panties to impress and turn on Natsume and Ruka._

Mikan blushed profusely.

"AHH! How'd you know I wore that, you pervert! Come out and show yourself. If I find out that Natsume told you that, he is so dead meat!" she shouted.

_Polka despises Hotaru._

Polka - err, Mikan - gasped.

**"**WHAT!? I LOVE HOTARUUUU!!! Hotaruuu, if you're there listening, it isn't true! Don't believe the pervert!" she exclaimed.

_She eats black cats._

"WHAT!?!?! NO!!!!!!!" she wailed.

_Are they tasty, Polka? If they don't satisfy you, I know a couple of ugly old hags wanting to give you a call._

"I'm not listening anymore! LALALALA!" she replied, nullifying the announcer's voice.

_Now you know Mikan, the Sakura tree kissing, ugly old hag loving, Hotaru despising, black cat devouring little girl that wears polka-dotted panties to impress Natsume and Ruka._

Unaware of announcer said, she continued singing loudy.

_Buh-bye little girl!_

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**Author's Notes: **Hmm, not sure that turned out as funny as mewmewice's Know Your Stars fic, but oh well. I hope you enjoy, anyway. Also, for those who don't know what Know Your Stars is, I shall inform you. It's a little scene in 'All That' (a TV show) and basically it makes fun of the person sitting in an empty room, with no one there but a voice. The announcer's voice is hilarious, because it sounds really mocking and stuff. If you haven't seen it, then you may not understand this fic.

Oh, by the way, sorry that this chapter is lacking in length. My future chapters will be longer.

Anyway, I want opinions! Should I continue or delete this fic?

Review, please!

Flames accepted!

:D

_Konnichiwa Minna_

**-X- I've written other Gakuen Alice (& TMM & Naruto & Fruits Basket) fics, if anyone is interested. Please review! -X-**

**Edit: **I have changed the format of this story, due to the fact that script is not an allowed format on FFnet.


	2. Victim II: Natsume Hyuuga

**Author's Notes: **Whoa, uhh, I haven't updated in a LONG time! I'm so sorry! School is keeping me busy! Please forgive my tardiness!!

**Disclaimer: **Hmm, simply put... I did not, do not, and will not ever own Gakuen Alice. Such a shame, really.

**Warning: **This chapter probably isn't funny at all! Sorry!

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**Know Your Stars! Gakuen Alice Style!**

**Victim II: Natsume Hyuuga**

**By Konnichiwa Minna**

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_Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars... Natsume Hyuuga... his real name is Ice Ice Baby._

"Tch. What a lame insult." Natsume countered the announcer's insult with ease.

_Ice Ice Baby is afraid of fighting head on. He really is just a big ice-cold baby._

"Hn. I bet even Polka Dots could come up with better insults... and that's saying something," he retorted.

_Ice Ice Baby is actually a big sucker... literally._

"You're calling me a lollipop. Pathetic." Natsume scoffed.

_This lollipop is deeply and profoundly in love with..._

"No one."

_Ruka-pyon! Ha ha, Mikan told me before. She also said that Ice Ice Baby sleeps with his favourite stuffed teddy ... Mikan._

"..." Natsume glared fiercely around the room. He lifted his palm and a flame appeared.

"Say that again," he challenged.

_Okay. Ice Ice Baby sleeps with Mikan._

The room was sweltering hot. Even the curtains were sweating profusely. Natsume continued eyeing the room suspiciously.

Quickly, Natsume realized there was no door.

"Screw it," he muttered as he began burning the wall... only to find...

Another damn wall.

_Hotaru suggested I put extra walls..._ (for a small fee... or should I say a large sum of money.)

Natsume silently cursed.

_Now, now. Cursing is a naughty thing to do._

The announcer snickered.

_Natsume likes fries dipped in... poop._

Natsume's eyes lit with fire... figuratively, not literally.

"I don't know you, but you probably are some nerdy loser, who has nothing better to do than to try and insult people. Only a baby would take you seriously."

_Poor Mikan. She was rather upset with me. Hmm, now that I mention Mikan, I do recall her saying that she wore polka-dotted panties, so that you would think she's sexy._

Somehow, a miniscule tinge of red washed his face... for a brief second. He rolled his eyes and began burning more walls.

_Ice Ice Baby licks dirty pigs..._

Silence continues.

_He plays with Barbies..._

Burning ensues.

_He makes out with syringes..._

Natsume's Alice persists on heating the room.

_Now you know Natsume, the big, ice-cold lollipop, who is a baby named Ice Ice Baby. Not to mention, he is deeply in love with Ruka-pyon, sleeps with his teddy named Mikan, enjoys fries dipped in shit, blushes easily, licks dirty pigs, plays with Barbies, and is a scaredy cat. Oh, and let's not forget that he French kisses syringes._

Natsume burns the speakers on the walls in the room. (Why didn't he do that before...?)

He searches the room a while longer and spots the camera. He incinerated it.

Unbeknownst to us viewers... (A.K.A. Behind the scenes...)

"Ah," Natsume sighs contently. He took out his manga, and sat down in the single chair that remained unburned. He buried his nose in his book and began scanning his pages.

"Where was I?" he mumbled.

Quickly, he regained his page and set off into the world of manga... and also began daydreaming... about Polka Dots...

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**Author's Notes: **NO!!! That wasn't funny at all, was it!?! I'M SO SORRY!! I couldn't make it funny! It was difficult! Natsume just won't lose his cool! Please forgive me for doing this terrible chapter! If you want, I will delete it and it will never see daylight again. If you do think I should delete it, I will. But, I won't try writing a Natsume chapter again. This is all you're going to get. Either it's this one, or none. Anyway! Next will be... Sumire. I think. Yeah.

I think I will duck now... I want to avoid all those tomatoes and flames that people are going to throw at me!

Eek, anyway, please find it in your hearts to review!

I beg you!

_Konnichiwa Minna_

P.S. Seriously, forgive me for this sucky chapter!

P.S.S. I would like to thank the following reviews for reviewing my first chapter!

- -X-JOURO-X-

- mewmewice

- krojiru

- xXTomokoXx

- tina1061

- candycandycandy

- Xian-pyon

- Ch0c0Late

- hil2378

YOUR REVIEWS MEAN A LOT TO ME! I hope this chapter doesn't deeply disappoint you guys.

Thanks for reading!

Please review!


	3. Victim III: Sumire Shouda

**Author's Notes: **Ack, once again I took forever to update! Won't you please forgive me!?

**Disclaimer: **Let me see... nope! I do not own any manga that goes by the name 'Gakuen Alice' or 'Alice Academy.' You must be mistaking me for someone else.

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**Know Your Stars! Gakuen Alice Style!**

**Victim III: Sumire Shouda**

**By Konnichiwa Minna**

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_Know your stars... Know your stars... Know your stars... Sumire... she prefers being refered to as Permy._

"What!? Who said that!? I bet you know damn well that I hate being called that!!" Permy - er, Sumire - shouted in protest.

_Permy... She inherited her grandma's butt genes - she has a watermelon-shaped backside._

"What did you say!? I will kick your sorry behind if you keep making up stupid lies! How 'bout you tell my fans the truth, like about my relationship with Natsume?" Sumire suggested.

_Ha ha ha... that conversation won't last long. You and Natsume have no relationship._

Sumire gave a terrifying glare around the entire room.

_And the truth is, watermelon-butt has the oh-so-amazing technique to turn into a cat... or is a dog?_

"W-w-what?? No I don't! My Alice is way cooler than that lame ability!!" she stammered angrily and flushed pink.

_Really...? Like the ability to make everyone puke just by looking at your face?_

"NO!! That's false! Untrue!! Lies! Damn, has that silly Sakura Mikan been telling you stupid childish lies?" she yelled.

_Or the ability to make people laugh so hard when they see your butt, that they fall of their chairs and onto the floor laughing so hard that they must clutch their stomachs?_

"Hey, you! Don't you ignore me!! I know you can hear me, you... you old prune!"

_Or the ability to come up with such lame comebacks, that we'll all cover our faces and act like we don't know of your mere existence?_

Sumire jumped out of the chair and stomped the floor in sheer anger.

"That was NOT a lame comeback and you know it!" Her face began turning crimson from anger.

_Permy also seems to have the ability to make her face match Natsume's eyes._

"So, you think I have no real important or cool abilities, huh? Well, I'll show you! Come out and show yourself!! Don't be a coward, you evil snake!"

_Oooooh, I'm so scared. Permy sure knows how to scare the crap out of people._

"That's it! I'm leaving! I should have never came to be on your lame excuse of a TV show."

_I believe you will find escape quite impossible, seeing as you don't have an ability that can free you. Unless you use your claws to claw through the numerous walls._

Sumire huffed and began scraping at the walls. When she saw it barely had any effect, she decided to search for a door... or maybe a window.

_Cat-dog girl is actually not a girl at all. His name is George and he's 46-years-old._

"WHAT!? Shut up! You don't know anything... hey, where's the damn door? I thought I entered through here! But now there's just neverending walls! There's not even a single window!" Permy - er, Sumire - began feeling desperate. "I must see MY Natsume!! Lemme outta here!"

_George swallowed a bicycle at the age of 11, when he was a cat-dog in the circus._

Sumire continued futile attempts of knocking down the walls, searching behind curtains for a door or window, and sniffing the floors hoping to find a trap door or something.

_Bike-Swallower eats seaweed as well as her seaweed-haired brother's hair._

A faint growl could be heard from Permy.

_George eats cardboard boxes and HD TVs._

Sumire hissed.

_Now you know Permy, the watermelon-ass, Natsume-relationship-lacking, cat-dog girl, who has the abillity to -_

"Shut the hell up!!" she rudely interrupted.

_-make people puke just by seeing her face, as well as the abilities to make people laugh so hard when they see her butt, that they fall of their chairs and onto the floor laughing so hard that they must clutch their stomachs, and to come up with such lame comebacks, that we'll all cover our faces and act like we don't know of your -_

"I said BE QUIET!" Permy yelled, while continously searching for a way to escape.

_-mere existence. She also has the ability to make her face match Natsume's eyes, and the ability to scare the crap out of people. And, in actual fact, she is actually a 46-year-old man named George, who swallowed a bike at 11-years-old while in the circus as a cat-dog. Let's not forget that George-_

"Oh my gosh, if you don't shut your trap, I will destroy you and make sure you become a no-star, just like I did to Mikan!"

_-eats seaweed and her brother's hair, which is shaped like seaweed, as well as cardboard boxes and HD TV's. Now you know-_

"What do you mean, 'Now you know?' They don't know ANYTHING about me! All they know is your a horrible, annoying, sarcastic, egotistic liar!" Permy roared.

_-George/Permy/Sumire or whatever you want to call this cat-dog. Buh-bye!_

"What!? Don't you dare leave me! Let me out first, before you think of leaving!"

Silence.

"ARGHHHHHH!!"

And so we leave our beloved cat-girl to forever attempt to get out of the god-forsaken studio place.

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**Author's Notes: **So, tell me truthfully, did this chapter suck? I'm really sorry if it does.

Oh and I'm super sorry for taking forever to update this. Truly I am. Lots of things have happened and I've just been really busy. Not to mention lazy.

Anyway, review and let me know how I did!

Oh, and **_Happy New Year_**!!!

:D

_Konnichiwa Minna_

**ALSO, THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING REVIEWERS FOR REVIEWING THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER:**

- Gwen (thanks for your ideas!)

- Ch0c0Late

- EnChan

- Darkest Midnights'

- neko love

- hil2378

- tina1061

- AngelOfMusicPOTO

- xXiceyfireXx

**Your reviews really mean a lot to me! Thank you so much! I love you guys!**


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